Are you a people pleaser and would rather please everyone rather than yourself or God? Are you afraid to say ‘NO?’ Are you “too nice or too agreeable?” Do you allow everyone to walk all over you? “Are you desperate to gain other people’s approval while neglecting your own needs?” If you answer ‘Yes’ to any or all, you are a people pleaser. See also Amy Morin s ten (10) signs of a people pleaser.
Morin described a people pleaser as “someone who tries hard to make others happy. They will often go out of their way to please someone, even if it means taking their own valuable time or resources away from them. People pleasers often act the way they do because of their insecurities and lack of self-esteem.” Also, there are underlying issues (such as feelings of unworthiness, molestation, rape, to name a few) that are being suppressed that enables a person to become a people pleaser.
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God’s Word says that
“If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.”
Romans 12:18 KJV
Living peaceably with all however does not equate turning oneself into a doormat for every Tom and Harry or Jane and Sally to wipe their feet all over you; does it?
It’s all right to be agreeable with all and to be perceived as a peacemaker/keeper, but wanting to be so to your own detriment is not okay. “Some people don’t know how to say ‘NO’”. Is that really true? Maybe they just don’t know how to say ‘NO’ to some people. I have noticed that these kind of people end up taking their anger or aggression out on the wrong people in their lives such as a spouse or their children. They have said ‘YES’ to everyone else and don’t have any left for the very special people in their lives. They end up hurting the ones they ought not to hurt! I call it misplaced priority.
Amy Morin states that “You’ll never reach your goals if you’re trying to be all things to all people … often than not, people-pleasing wasn’t really their problem; their desire to make others happy was merely a symptom of a deeper issue.
For many, the eagerness to please stems from self-worth issues. They hope that saying yes to everything asked of them will help them feel accepted and liked. Other people-pleasers have a history of maltreatment, and somewhere along the way, they decided that their best hope for better treatment was to try to please the people who mistreated them. Over time, for them, people-pleasing became a way of life.”
Are you a people pleaser? Take the test here to find out!
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We all will, at some point in our lives, please people. But I hope that the times we do/did were only as a choice not an obligation.
In the New Year, I implore you to choose whom you will please – yourself, other people, or God. Pleasing people often hurts us, but pleasing God categorizes you/us as His favorite. Choose wisely this New Year whom you’ll please.
If you are a people pleaser and need help stopping , click here to read Vanessa Van Edwards’ eleven (11) helpful tips.