This day, seventeen years ago, my biological Mother left this world unannounced. We had talked two days in a row. On that fateful day, she called me twice which was unusual, but I didn’t pay attention to it. I hung up after our conversations and within thirty minutes, she called again. At this point, I said “Mom, why are you calling back – stop wasting your money.”
The next day, I received several calls from my maternal siblings who otherwise never called. Without answering those calls, I knew something weird had happened.
I ran away momentarily as if to run away from those calls catching up with me. When I gathered myself together to return the first call, I heard the news everyone dreads to receive. Mom had dinner, took a shower, went to sleep, and never woke up. She passed on in her sleep. No crying could bring her back. If I only had known, I would have talked with her till the phones fell out of our hands as we nod our heads off fighting sleep. It felt like she had “something” to tell me but couldn’t bring it out hence her calling repeatedly. I felt like running to her and shaking life out of her. But she was over 7,500 miles away. By the time I got there, she would have been buried any ways. I have carried the guilt to heart so to speak. I only released it last week.
She died peacefully in her sleep which was somewhat consoling. Not that she was sick being carried in and out of hospitals.
My people, I admonish you to give time to those in your life now. Never be too busy or tired for a few precious moment with them. Let them know NOW how much you cherish them. You just never know when it might be the last time you see them, talk to them, or hold their hands.
I love Casting Crowns’ Scars in Heaven. I listen to it when bombarded with negative thoughts not only concerning her, but also my beloved Dad and brother who both passed on six years ago.
I never lived with my biological Mom. Though I had a few others who stepped in as mothers, I missed the true maternal nurturing growing up. It was difficult believing that those other moms truly loved me as their own because their actions were contrary. Some days were better than others. Those experiences have shaped me to who I am today; though some experiences I wished that I never had. Nonetheless, I never begrudged my Mon for leaving me. She had her reasons at the time and felt leaving me was better. I was glad she left me with my Dad and not in the garbage bin or, like Moses in a basket in the river. But life without a mother is different. I believe that God turns everything around for our good, but there were times I struggled with accepting it and felt that life could have been different with her in my life. Yet there are no guarantees.
My Mom, though gone, will forever be remembered. I honor her today and always for giving me life. Continue to rest in God’s bosom. Scars in Heaven is for you.