Can People Really Change?

Do you think people can really change? Like really make an effort to change who they are, wipe clean the mistakes they made and become a better …

Can People Really Change?

. . .

Happy New Year 2021 once again my people. I pray the very best of the year, that will compensate for the prior year, for you and all that concerns you.

Join this interesting and eye-opening conversation started by #Olivia Lucie Blake. She publishes awesome posts, like this one, and can be found at #olivialucieblake.com. If you don’t already know or follow her, please do so today. 😍 Thanks.

Don’t forget to also read the equally thought-provoking comments on this post on her site.

Change is inevitable, but Change is a Choice!

When we enter a New Year, we enter with all great intents of becoming a new person. It starts with the intent to change. Some make the New Year resolutions proposing to be healthier, fitter, friendlier, save more, etc.; the list of proposed changes is endless. The question is: how long does the resolution last? This leads us to the topic of Change.

Change is good! Change is inevitable! Change is a choice! We’ve all heard these statements at one time or the other. Some changes are forced on us by circumstances. Some are shoved at us by our environments or workplace structuring or restructuring. However the change comes to/at us, we often have to willingly embrace it because resisting it brings more heartaches and/or frustrations. A great example is the covid-19 (a post for another day).

Some changes are self-imposed. I believe that these are the best and lasting ones.

Here’s my Comment on Olivia’s Post

I believe that lasting change is possible. The motivation for lasting change comes from within. The external pressures however makes it difficult to sustain. Internal (Intrinsic) vs. External (Extrinsic). We need to know the root cause of the action. One of my favorite things is to use the analogy of a tree. If you plant a tree and the tree grows but becomes a “nuisance,” such that it encroaches the neighbors’ fences … what do you do? You cut it, right? (p.s. better to know the law of your city and seek professional help in doing this). But, if you choose to cut the branches that are overextending to the neighbors, they will regrow sooner or later. The solution, in my opinion, and in order to avoid constant bickering that might lead to a potential lawsuit, is to uproot or cut the tree at its trunk and deaden the stump. This analogy applies to both change and cheating, and more. Bottomline: Permanent change is possible willingly or forcibly. It’s a choice to make!

Couple of my Lasting Changes

I used to be both a social smoker and drinker. When I became a lover of Jesus Christ several years ago 😊, the first thing God took away from me was the drinking. To His Glory, I haven’t tasted any kind of alcohol since.

However, the choice to stop smoking came from within as I grew in my relationship with the Holy Spirit. I remembered that I had the desire to be holy, but smoking, suddenly felt somewhat out-of-place with the “new me.” The desire to stop smoking kept retracting. I would have the urge, go out to buy a pack, smoke two or three sticks, throw the remainder in the trash (as in crushing each remaining sticks), and then repeat it the next day! One day I got tired of the cycle and cried out to God to help me stop it. I realized three days after that I hadn’t smoked nor had the urge to. The rest, as we always say, is now herstory; a part of my testimony, and a proof that lasting change is indeed possible.

On the question of cheating

The statement that “once a cheater (or a liar or fill-in-the-blanks), always a cheater (or a liar or fill-in-the-blanks)” was included in #Olivia’s post. Personally, this is debatable. There are both truth and fallacy to the statement. I can understand why anyone who has experienced a cheating spouse or partner would be reluctant to give the “cheater” a second chance, but can we forgive? God’s Word (Matthew 18:21-22) says that we should forgive four hundred and ninety times (490)! It just means that we should cut each other some slacks!!!

Also, there are often underlying issues when cheating and abuses are present in relationships. Knowing what the root cause is, and finding the solution, will help both the “cheater” and the “cheated.” May God help us all.

I can however categorically state that I have never cheated anyone in relationships; pre- or post-marriage. Post-marriage is somewhat mute as we are not supposed to in marriage, but, friends, you’d be surprised to know that some folks do. It is mostly common with men, but few women have been known to indulge in it as well. Adultery is bad!!!

A “cheater” will continue to cheat if the partner or spouse enables them. Enabling can stem from fear that the “cheater” might leave them and/or withdraw “some benefits” from them. This is not a good place to be and both need help.

Cheating and the many hats

We all wear many hats. As such, cheating (as well as several issues) can be viewed from several perspectives. Environmentally, culturally, familial, religiously, all can be root causes; including as one commenter (#Ellen Carey) stated, experiences. I however still believe that we can change each of these root cause if we choose to. It’s a Choice! It might not be easy, but with determination and commitment (#Ellen Carey) , we can and will prevail.

Your Turn

What are your thoughts on the topic: Can People Really Change? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments and remember to visit #Olivia Lucie Blake’s site.

Thanks for reading, sharing, and commenting. 😍✌🏾

Are you a People Pleaser?

Credits: Vanessa Van Edwards

Are you a people pleaser and would rather please everyone rather than yourself or God? Are you afraid to say ‘NO?’ Are you “too nice or too agreeable?” Do you allow everyone to walk all over you? “Are you desperate to gain other people’s approval while neglecting your own needs?” If you answer ‘Yes’ to any or all, you are a people pleaser. See also Amy Morin s ten (10) signs of a people pleaser.

Morin described a people pleaser as “someone who tries hard to make others happy. They will often go out of their way to please someone, even if it means taking their own valuable time or resources away from them. People pleasers often act the way they do because of their insecurities and lack of self-esteem.” Also, there are underlying issues (such as feelings of unworthiness, molestation, rape, to name a few) that are being suppressed that enables a person to become a people pleaser.

. . .

God’s Word says that

“If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭12:18‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Living peaceably with all however does not equate turning oneself into a doormat for every Tom and Harry or Jane and Sally to wipe their feet all over you; does it?

It’s all right to be agreeable with all and to be perceived as a peacemaker/keeper, but wanting to be so to your own detriment is not okay. “Some people don’t know how to say ‘NO’”. Is that really true? Maybe they just don’t know how to say ‘NO’ to some people. I have noticed that these kind of people end up taking their anger or aggression out on the wrong people in their lives such as a spouse or their children. They have said ‘YES’ to everyone else and don’t have any left for the very special people in their lives. They end up hurting the ones they ought not to hurt! I call it misplaced priority.

Amy Morin states that “You’ll never reach your goals if you’re trying to be all things to all people … often than not, people-pleasing wasn’t really their problem; their desire to make others happy was merely a symptom of a deeper issue.

For many, the eagerness to please stems from self-worth issues. They hope that saying yes to everything asked of them will help them feel accepted and liked. Other people-pleasers have a history of maltreatment, and somewhere along the way, they decided that their best hope for better treatment was to try to please the people who mistreated them. Over time, for them, people-pleasing became a way of life.”

Are you a people pleaser? Take the test here to find out!

. . .

We all will, at some point in our lives, please people. But I hope that the times we do/did were only as a choice not an obligation.

In the New Year, I implore you to choose whom you will please – yourself, other people, or God. Pleasing people often hurts us, but pleasing God categorizes you/us as His favorite. Choose wisely this New Year whom you’ll please.

If you are a people pleaser and need help stopping , click here to read Vanessa Van Edwards’ eleven (11) helpful tips.

Real Talk with Kirk Franklin

www.youtube.com/playlist

I didn’t want to blog today, but couldn’t resist sharing this because it’s church-day Sunday. And though not all houses of worship are opened, we can still do church in our homes. The video just popped up on my phone.

. . .

Change and issues begin with dialogue/conversation. What does one do when the folks who one looks up to drops the ball? Church, the Law, the System … everyone. We cannot over-emphasize the need for change. The atmospheric conditions of America must change fast!

“Hear my heart, not my words” is a favorite phrase of mine. Watch the video to hear Kirk’s heart and let’s hear your heart by commenting below, too.

Peace!

p.s. enjoying my day 😎

Can The U.S. Police Change?

Photo by Jacoby Clarke from Pexels

The Police’s primary responsibility (officers and departments), in any country, is the prevention and detection of crime, maintaining law and order, and safety of its citizens. The former duties (i.e., prevention and detection of crimes) are, in my opinion, implicitly clear though this duty is now relegated because “The Police” are busy with, and have been deployed to, more serious tasks; or because the department is short-staffed.

Let’s talk about the latter duties; law and order, and safety. Not that the former responsibility is unimportant. Far from that but the current events, of demonstrations stemming from Police insensitivity, have pushed the former tasks lower on the priority scale.

Is carrying firearms a must?

How then does the U.S. Police maintain order amid hostility? I am not a subject-matter expert on this issue and have no answer to the question. However, according to Olivia Goldhill [https://qz.com/727941/how-do-police-handle-violence-in-countries-where-officers-dont-cry-guns/], there are five countries in the world whose Police forces do not carry guns. The countries are: 

Carrying firearms might not be a real issue as none was used in the death of George Floyd. However, how do these countries deal with their citizens, without the use of force or firearms, in instances of unrest and arrests without it escalating? I hope the U.S. Police can take some cue from these countries.

Suggestive first steps

A starting point might be an overhaul of the various Police Departments as Minneapolis PD has pledged to do. Also, educating the force on the use of firearms, sensitivity, ethics, and race issues. Another step is to ensure that officers (old and new) must have at least a two-year college degree.

Whatever changes the District Attorneys and US Police Departments decide to institute and implement, we pray that the murky waters will soon become crystal clear.

. . .

To change or not to …

We acknowledge that some Police personnel or departments (or even some quarters of the public) might resist the change either because of fear of the unknown (i.e., what the new norm might mean for them) or because they realize that power is being snatched from them and would prefer to maintain the status quo. To these folks, we say that “it is time to change.” Just as bad habits are harder to break, the new norm might be uncomfortable in the beginning, but being intentional about it will eventually make it easier and become a routine. Though unrelated in terms of the industry but similar in terms of issue, this article on change in the medical sector is a good read. [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5485172/]

. . .

We’re also hoping that the fight against racism will not follow the patterns of such reforms as diversity. With the diversity reforms, we have observed that companies, schools/colleges, and other organizations ensure that at least one minority (or one from all races) is included on their team. However, the number of promotions to higher levels is still being restricted. Other notables are that the one minority included on the team is often seen (or used) as a “puppet” where the person has no voice. Here’s a Pew Research article to shed more light on the diversity reforms

[https://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2019/05/08/americans-see-advantages-and-challenges-in-countrys-growing-racial-and-ethnic-diversity/]

I pray that the changes that have begun with the police and legislative reforms on racism will be a permanent one.

Here’s to a better future for Blacks that have been extremely overdue!

Peace!