Ladies, Never Pursue a Man!

youtube.com/watch

Don’t shoot me, please. Yes, I’m not your Mama, but as a mother of two inwardly-beautiful young ladies (to God’s Glory), I’m also concerned as this man, R.C. Blakes, is. I just found and watched his video, totally resonate with all he says, and I believe it’s apropos to share.

Though it’s addressed to all ladies who exhibit the character, I specifically would advise all young ladies to watch it.

In Gottfried’s word and world, I might be trying to control the world. (smile). But in my world, we are all responsible for cultivating the land for habitation. If you believe that “it takes the village to raise the child,” you would agree.

God has given each one of us an area (or piece) of land here on earth to cultivate. As such what I am interested in and passionate about will differ from yours, but we might have a group of individuals so assigned to the same land.

Yes, I know we live in a culture of extreme freedom (everything is free-for-all, or so we think.). But, hey, No! Else, why have laws. For example, being free to drive does not compel me to drive at age 10 or 12. Neither does it compel me to drive and crash into other people or their cars on the freeway. If I choose to, I should be ready to face the consequences, right; the consequences of which might include financial compensation or suspension of the driving license. So freedom is not totally free but limited to some extent.

What does that have to do with the video and/or ladies? Well, watch the video to find out.

It’s disheartening to listen and/or watch young ladies act “desperate for love.” There are several reasons this might occur.

Reasons why ladies might

The first that comes to mind is what I first heard in the charismatic (Pentecostal) churches termed “daddy issues.” This term indicates that a lady is suffering from (or exhibiting behaviors as a result of) the lack of a father in their lives. The father might be present in the house, but sadly only as a figurehead and one who is distant and does not interact with his daughters on a father-daughter level. So the daughter grows up looking for love in all the wrong places, suffers hurt and rejection in her relationships as a result of not having being taught or learned from the man (dad) in her life, goes from one guy to the other, and eventually starts wondering why or that something(s) are wrong with her life.

Whether the term is right, true, or not, the symptoms sure shows that some thing(s) might be psychologically amiss.

Another reason, not unconnected with the first, is that the lady may have low self esteem or an esteem not rightly developed to the level it ought to have.

Yet another reason is that some young ladies, despite all the training and economics given at home, they grow up (or want to grow up) too fast and discard them to follow the “fast-tracklifestyle. They misconstrue a guy wanting to have sex with them as loving them and/or think that by saying yes to every sex, the guy will love them more or keep coming back. Each scenario is a fantasy and leads to heartaches by the third-to-fifth sex or guy!

Some ladies just want a man at all cost.

Some have a boyfriend but don’t know how to sustain the relationship and thus loses the boy/guy.

Another common reason is ladies watch how their friends have boyfriends, are dating, and/or changing boyfriends one after the other yet they don’t have one. FOMO (fear of missing out) seeps in and they resort to chasing guys instead of continuing to wait to be asked out.

Final thoughts

The video also provide examples of how to go about attracting a guy who’s interested in the lady.

Call me old fashioned, I still believe that the man ought to search the lady out. How about you and why? Leave your answer in the Comments if you please.

My greatest heart desire (prayer) is that every young lady desiring love will surely be found out by their true love. It is when we get it out of order that we fall into the wrong relationship.

Dating and Checking Each Other Out

I love to see the youngsters in love; I’m talking about the latter millennials/Gen Zs,.

You know how we know and what they do, right? Prior to Covid-19, they talk/text all day and night on the phone, hang out too often, visit one another endlessly, go to movies, visit mutual friends, hardly stay at home anymore, and sometimes they sleep over.

I’m going to my friend’s and will spend the night.” However, they sometimes withhold critical information from their parents. Such information as where they are spending the night, who the friend is, where s/he lives, how they met, who the parents are, etc. You know, the kind of information that gives loving caring parents a peace of mind and that makes them sleep through the night knowing that their son/daughter is safe! Ask questions and the youngsters are quick to snap back, “Mom/Pops, no big deal; we’re just checking each other out or “you’re asking too many questions.”

What does this mean …?

What did you just say – we’re just checking each other out!” In their language, “checking each other out” is not the same as dating. I will call it pre-dating where the two (boy/girl) do all the activities together (and sometimes play house) for a period of time and decide afterwards whether they want to continue on a longer term or not. Mind you, the decision is not about their compatibility or shared values. Well, maybe it is about compatibility but should they spend so much time to do that?

They both can decide to extend the period of “checking each other out,” but the extension doesn’t necessarily equate permanency.

Questions, Questions, Questions.

Who coined this term? And why do our youngsters think it is cool or beneficial?

How many girls/boys do they have to check out before deciding to “buy?” Sorry, I meant, stay put?

Is this “checking each other out” a fad or has this type of dating come to stay?

When did our sons/daughters become items, like a purse or pair of sneakers or jeans/dress/outfit to be “checked out?” And what happens if the item doesn’t fit? You simply return it no questions asked? Aka Nordstrom?Neiman Marcus?

While “checking each other out” and the girl is already sleeping over at the boy’s place and both are “playing house,” what golden incentives are there for either to be taken seriously about relationship commitments?

why does the man have to pay for something he’s getting free?

An African saying to inspire young ladies and deter them from sex before marriage

Are parents over-indulging their youngsters by allowing sleepovers of the opposite sexes?

It bothers me though that the parents don’t ask their guests questions like “does your parent(s) know you’re here?” “How long will you be staying?” “Can I have a relative’s name/phone number in case of an emergency” forgetting that they become responsible, and can be liable, for the guest in their house should there be an incident!

Once I begin my rhetorics with “When we were growing up,” my daughter would respond “yay yay yay Mom that was then, this is now!” Lol Well, growing up, you do not sleepover at your boyfriend’s place. It was unheard of. When you visit, no matter how late, you have to return home. Actually, we had to be home before 10:00 p.m.

Statistics

“Thirty-five percent of teens (ages 13-17) have some experience with romantic relationships, and 19 percent are currently in a relationship. Older teens (ages 15-17) are more likely than younger teens to have experience with romantic relationships.”

– The Office of Population Affairs (OPA)

Among the young adults .., 60 percent were in some type of romantic relationship in their early 20s, with 16 percent married, 17 percent cohabiting, and 27 percent dating.”

What’s your take on this?

Blogging Community, am I being old fashioned? Since America’s adult age is 18, most parents simply hands off their children’s affairs once they turn 18. But, at 18 and 19, they’re still teenagers who really don’t know what they’re doing and still need guidance.

I acknowledge that parents ought to let off the reins and allow their children to mature, but do parents totally hands-off? How about shifting positions to advisor of sorts?

I was happy to find this article which resonates with my thoughts exactly as to what parents/older adults could be do to guide youngsters in relationships. Please check it out.

Should youngsters be “checking each other out” or should they be steered towards cultivating real relationships if they desire to be in one?
Please feel free to comment and/or educate me.

Thanks for reading.