This is so sad – what’s going on?

Credits: Unsplash / Tyler Nix

The news and social media have been buzzing about the dissolution of the marriage of Dell and Sonya Curry after thirty-three (33) years. Dell and Sonya are the parents of basketball favorites, Steph Curry (and his siblings Seth and Sydel). Steph Curry, the affable Golden State Warriors’ point guard is 33 years old.

It’s sad to hear of this divorce, which leaked out on Seth’s (Steph’s brother) birthday (August 23) though the filing was done earlier this year on June 14 (ouch sadly on my birthday!).

The ‘perfect family image’ has been shattered.

What in the world is going on lately with marriages?! Sonya and Dell’s children, yes adults in their own right, appear happily married and I pray that their parents’ divorce does not negatively impact their marriages.

Earlier in the year, we also heard of Kanye West and Kim Kardashian’s, too.

Can we never be satisfied?

There are three things that are never satisfied:

Why are human beings never satisfied and assume that the grass is greener on the other side? Why do we allow an intruder (of things or another person) destroy our marriages, our lives, and all that has been built? I’m not saying that this was the reason for the Currys’ divorce though it’s been alleged by one medium.

In California, you do not need any reason to divorce. Most divorces sight “irreconcilable differences.” But one could divorce simply by saying that they’re no longer happy in, or they just want out of, the marriage. I believe that the reason(s) are tendered and reviewed for purposes of the presiding Judge in awarding (or denying) alimony.

A facade

The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). And the thief does it subtly while cognizant that if s/he is overt, s/he will be detected and thus fail. We all need to smarten up generally, and particularly married couples. God help us.

Why are we so easily deceived to allow a ‘fling’ to break up our marriage? Often those flings are on assignment to divide and conquer. Once the assignment is accomplished, they are on to the next victim. May it not be any of our loved ones. We must not be ignorant of the devil’s wiles.

It is no gainsaying that it takes two to get married and stay married. If one wants the marriage and the other wants out, there’s really nothing or much that can be done. Both have to want to keep the marriage. Both have to be willing to work it like a garden; you have to water the garden, fertilize it, pull out the weeds and thorns that choke and kill your flowers and plants.

Happiness, one of the reasons some file for divorce, is a state of one’s mind. Divorcing a partner and hooking up with another or remarrying will not make you happy. Hopefully, the person realizes it before the fifth divorce.

Also, if one has stuck the marriage out for so long, why break it to start all over again? Women are known to stay in “bad” marriages for the sake of the children. Men, generally speaking, don’t think of the children first. What are you thoughts on this?

Sadly, gray divorce has been on the increase. Why are the tides drifting? Is there ever a “good time” to divorce?

The irony of divorcing and remarrying is that both partners realize that the happiness issue is just an excuse because it is short-lived at the onset of the new marriage. But pride will not allow them to fess up. They will now both (the old and the new) forcefully endure each other and the habits they couldn’t tolerate in their previous marriages. Some will even bend backwards to try to please the other person. Only a few ponder on this and confess that if they had known, they wouldn’t have divorced. But, alas, it’s too late.

I realize that I’m all over the place with this post. It’s a big one and troubling. Please share your thoughts and

Let’s pray for the Currys and the Wests. Hopefully, they all realize sooner that the divorce was a mistake and give each other a second chance.

Nonetheless, marriage is still good and honorable.

Why is Gray Divorce on the Rise?

What is Gray Divorce?

Divorce among adults 50 or over is known as gray divorce.

When it comes to marriage and divorce, focus has been on the younger adults for so long. That focus is now shifting, or shall we say, has shifted. What’s up with that?

Age does not equate maturity in any area; else one could have concluded that the older one is in age, and marriage, the better. Or, the longer one knows one’s spouse, understand one another, the less likely they are to divorce. This is not so. According to the Pews Research, the divorce rate has doubled since the 1990s.

“In 2015, for every 1,000 married persons ages 50 and older, 10 divorced – up from five in 1990, according to data from the National Center for Health Statistics and U.S. Census Bureau. Among those ages 65 and older, the divorce rate has roughly tripled since 1990, reaching six people per 1,000 married persons in 2015.” The 2020 data is not yet available. The report also states that “a fair amount of gray divorces do occur among couples who have been married for 30 years or more … including about 1 in 8 who had been married for 40 years or more.

What is going on?

Reasons cited for gray divorce have included:

  • Being unhappy
  • Love lost / met someone new
  • Cheating and adultery
  • Wanting freedom
  • Lack of emotional support
  • Lack of connection after the children leave aka empty-nest syndrome
  • People change resulting in change of values
  • A lack of common interest
  • Lack of respect.

Are men being more selfish and self-centered?

Despite the reasons / excuses given, my take is that men who have been married longer take their wives for granted. Women have been noted to age faster than men before age 50. And, generally speaking, it is more common for a man to marry a much younger lady (at least 20 years and over) than the reverse for a second marriage. Having been married long, men put on the aura that their “wife isn’t going anywhere.” For the most part this is true, but they don’t stop there. As a result of this attitude, they begin to take the woman for granted, going out “with the boys,” coming home late, taking irregular and arbitrary solo travels or “business trips, including starting affairs and expect the wife to accept it. This is unfair and selfish of men who indulge in such. Any wonder why despite having been married for so long that the woman who won’t take it, opt for divorce?