Oscars Night: Did that just happened …?!!!

It appeared to be a stunt, a dramatization of sorts. It happened in Hollywood and involved two of Hollywood’s finest comedian/actors during Oscars’ 94th Academy Award this past weekend. In Hollywood, anything can happen, everything sells and makes news. So we thought it was one of those. Until the Oscars management provided a statement that what happened was not staged nor was it a part of the Oscars night script.

Chris Rock and Will Smith are both renowned comedians/actors. Chris said something about Will’s wife, Jada, referring to GI Jane. The next thing we saw was Will walking up the stage and whoops Chris across the face. At first, I thought “oh, he didn’t touch him, that’s part of the script.” You know, kinda like a wrestling match which we all think is staged. My daughter said “Mom, no he just did.” I bursted into several foreign languages all at once. What the ____!

Did you see it, too!

Did you watch it live or later or heard about it? What are your thoughts on it?

Shortly after the social media started buzzing. And the question was “did it really happen?”

The shameful incident (all round) divided many quarters. The incident can be reviewed from a professional and ethical angle. We might add the family and spiritual angles, too.

My Take

Personally, Will Smith was wrong. His act should be condemned. If he (or Jada) felt that Chris Rock was out of line with his intro (and/or banter at her expense), there are other more gentlemanly and professional manner to have handled it. Brothers don’t treat brothers like that.

It was an attack of violence. Since when did we (adults) stop using our words?

Can you imagine what could have happened if Chris retaliated rather than just take it, smiled, continued with the program, and left immediately after? 🤔. Chris, in my opinion, was the bigger man.

The Oscars have stated that they do not condone any act of violence, are officially reviewing the incident, and will let us know their findings. I can’t wait.

Where do we go from here? Is the Oscars going to be safe going forward or the actors/actresses are now going to attend with a troop of bodyguards to prevent such from happening to them? The Oscars findings will tell.

Unrequited Love

Credits: Unsplash / S. Ruvalcaba

How do you feel when you love someone who does not love you back? Thanks to Think Written for the writing prompt.

Love ought to be reciprocal. Yes? Right? Remember Teddy Pendergrass’s 50/50 (or is’t 70/30 or 60/40) love song? Who wants to be the one holding on to the 30 or 40 in a relationship when better is imminent or probable? Only a few exceptional instances will qualify; like a parental love. Even at that, some parents have been known to be justifiably callous or exercised tough love. (A post for another day.)

For today’s post, Unrequited love in any relationship sucks.

Sometimes we equate love for all the other things such as infatuation, lust, passion, crush, or simply lasciviousness. These can emanate from one or both people and we eventually find ourselves in unrequited love.

Unrequited love in any relationship sucks and is a mental torture.

ThinkerTalker

It may have begun as a requited affair or of mutual consent, but along the way, things and life happened, people changed and eyes strayed elsewhere, and left our love unrequited. It becomes troubling. Gazillion questions run amok in our minds chiefly resting on two “what did I do to deserve this or the change and straying?” and “where did I go wrong?”

Effects of Unrequited Love

The receiving person (of the unrequited love) does what most people do; internalizes, withdraws, and blames self for the other person’s unbecoming attitude. Unfortunately, the embarrassment is blatant to all leaving one feeling unworthy, sapped confidence from ours and others reactions, and our esteem turning low. We feel deserted, betrayed, and left alone to deal with it. You got yourself into the situation, now how do you get yourself out?

What do you do?

What do you do? Do you stay put trying to win the other person back, make excuses, or do you leave with or without packing your bags and say “hasta la vista?!”

Is it escapism or humanism to blame ourselves for other people’s shortcomings? Is it as a first stop of self-reflection or second-guessing ourselves that we are less deserving of better? Everyone reacts differently. However you react and whatever it is,

  1. First admit your part – how you got into the relationship. It’s time for deep reflection. Most often, the handwritings were on the wall, but passion or desire blindfolded you from clarity,
  2. Ask for forgiveness. It is the first step to wholeness. Better yet, forgive the other person because it is only then you can be objective in moving forward.
  3. Ask God for help. You need Him more now than ever. It’s definitely not a time to be mad at God. “Why didn’t He stop me?” “Why did he allow me?” Or better still, “why didn’t he knock him/her on the head to wake up?” Remember, or if you don’t already know, there’s the permissible will of God where He allows us to do what we desire as a result of our resistance to where He’s steering us.
  4. Ask family and friends also for help. Still, it’s not the time to be mad at them for not telling you. There’s another time for that.
  5. Don’t run (or jump) prematurely into another relationship.
  6. Give yourself time to heal. It is only then that you will most likely not repeat the experience.
  7. And finally, be wise and seek God before starting or getting into the next relationship.

I am so grateful that God is not a man.

Unrequited Love towards God

Now imagine how Father God, your Creator feels when His love is either ignored, unwarranted , or unembraced. Lack-luster love towards God is the epitome of unrequited love. We’ve given Him no love at all, while some have only given Him the minimal. God is holding on to the 30 and 40 of our love while wishing you’d give Him the 100. Yet He loves us so.

But I am glad that God does not abandon us when His love is unrequited. Every other unrequited love pales significantly in comparison. God is there all along patiently waiting for the day we will wake up to realism (the doctrine that universals have a real objective existence) and our need of Him.

Wake up or Woke

And so it is as well when we find ourselves in earthly unrequited love. We allow ourselves to go roller-coasting through all the e-motions until realization steps in. We can humbly or boldly state that “I’m better than this and deserve the best.”

So whosoever is not returning your love, woke or wake up, and know that you deserve better. There might be a reason. Maybe it is the “invisible hands” blocking him/her from seeing the beauty (I don’t mean the physical/facial) God created and he/she is being prevented from blocking your real soulmate. Just maybe because all things are working together for your good.

Remember God loves you unconditionally. He loves you today, loved you yesterday, and will love you forever. Embrace His love today and now. He is waiting on you to return His love; turning the unrequited to Requited Love. Isn’t that what we all desire?

Have you experienced unrequited love (loving someone who doesn’t love you back) and would like to share? Please do so in the comments. Thanks

Don’t condemn yourself, neither let any condemn you

Everyone makes mistakes, right? At one point in our lives, each one of us will do or say something regrettable and wish that we could retract or delete or just wished that it was a bad dream? There’s none that hasn’t made a mistake at least once in their lifetime, right? If you haven’t, raise your hand, and I can guarantee you that before the day is over, you would have made your first! I said all that to say that mistakes happen to the best and worst of us all.

But, why condemn one another? Worse; why condemn yourself? Condemning oneself and being condemned by another is an unnecessary weight much worse than the bad committed.

Lord Jesus gave us an example when a woman who was caught in adultery was brought to him. The people wanted Jesus’s permission to stone her to death according to the law. Lord Jesus bent down and wrote in the sand; “he (or she) who has no sin, cast the first stone.” His message was addressed to no-one in particular, yet to everyone, but when the people read it, each one started walking away and left the woman. Jesus then turned to the woman “where are your accusers; hath no-one condemn you; woman, neither do I condemn you. go your way and sin no more.” Read about it in the Holy Bible, the Book of John 8:3-11.

Doing or saying regrettable things only confirms our humanity. Yet His grace is available to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9b). But shall we because of grace continue to sin? God forbid (Romans 6:15).

Don’t we love it when someone understands us, or stands with us, makes us feel better when others condemn us, desert us, or make us feel more rotten than we were before we came to them?

There is enough of condemnation and judging already in the world and we each need to do our part to stop and/or reverse the bad and evil to good. It takes too much energy to be and do bad with the resultant effects of headaches, insecurities, fears, and heartaches that goes with it. I’ve seen people destroy one another for no cause, except merely to feel better or superior than the other! Why? Beats me. Do they not know nor can’t they see that the sky is vast enough for the birds to fly without bumping into each other? I learned a long time ago that destroying another with your words or action is like shooting yourself in the foot and wishing it’s the other’s foot instead. Not that I ever did the bad – God forbid. Eventually people will see/know you for who you are and avoid you like a plague. I’m talking to slanderers, backbiters, liars, deceivers, adulterers, manipulators, and the likes. At that time, you’ll need someone (which you never were) on your side. Ponder on that for a moment. How does that make you feel? I hope that it stirs something in you to cry out for a change.

There is always room for change even to the best of us. Change is available for each one of us. But we have to acknowledge our errors and be willing to want to change, else it will be futile.

The Bible abound with imperfect people who still did mighty deeds for the Kingdom of God. If God could use them still, who are we to cancel anyone out? Um, cancel culture?! I’m not saying that we should not speak up against an evil deed or utterance, but once the person acknowledges and apologizes, we should be willing to let it go.

To err is human but to forgive is divine.

Alexander Pope

What to do if we’re condemned by someone or others?

  1. Let the person(s) know that you’re sorry and apologize yet again
  2. Pray for the person(s) for God to heal their heart(s). Often times the condemnation might not have anything to do with you, the error, or deed done, but with the person looking for someone to justify their own heart issues
  3. Do your best not to repeat the bad deed
  4. After you’ve done all that you know to do, stand therefore (Ephesians 6:13c-14a). Leave God to handle it. It might not happen right away, but trust Him to eventually right the wrong.

Let’s not condemn one another but love in words and deeds edifying one another to the glory of God our Father.

Peace

Love and Loving Yourself

Credits: Annie Spratt / Unsplash

Valentines Day

I believe that Valentines Day is a global celebration. Its origin, though still unknown, has been alluded to the Romans. Read here for a brief history.

Valentines Day, like several other holidays, have been grossly abused. Why wait till February 14th to show love? And why show love to just your spouse or significant other? Please show love everyday to everyone. And please love unconditionally. Thank you!

Love Your Children

Please shower your children daily with love and not only when they please you, obey you, and/or excel in school. The best time to really love your children is the time they mess up and recognize it themselves. Surprise them with the best of unconditional love that you can and have a heart-to-heart talk with them on another day.

If, as a parent, the only time your children feel loved is when they’re good, obey you, or get As, you’ve done a poor job, your love has become conditional, and your children will grow up trying to please everyone in order to be loved. The outcome unfortunately will be that they feel used and never find true unconditional love. Should they find true love, they can easily mess it up with the faulty-thinking that they have been conditioned to. Please don’t put your kids through that as either they won’t understand, never will understand, or will understand much later, why they are trying so hard to please but end up being rejected.

Love Yourself

Also, learn to love yourself. Loving oneself is not selfish. Date yourself while waiting to be dated. So, when the date shows up, he or she arrives to compliment you and not complement you. You were whole and complete before s/he showed up. I hope that you will be; if not start working towards being complete before showtime.

Yes, it’s great to be loved. Everyone loves to be loved, but unfortunately most people are dying waiting for Prince Charming and Princess Tantalizing. Yet we wonder why he or she hasn’t shown up. It’s because no one wants a dead mate! No one goes to the morgue or mortuary (pardon my acuteness) to look for a life mate. It’s never done!

“Loving yourself isn’t vanity. It’s sanity.”

Andre Gide

This is something I lived. I dated and loved myself (still do). Went to movies, concerts, dinners, games, and more places alone – it was my Me-time. Bought myself roses lots of times; sometimes one stem some days a bunch. When my daughters were in middle school, and their friends’ parents would tell them (or tell their children who would now pass it on!) that they saw their Mom, my younger daughter especially would say “Mom, stop doing this, they’d think that you have no friends.” My response was that “well, you let them know that I do but chose to do this alone.” I used to wonder why it bothered them so and then, one day I realized that their school’s buddy system might have been responsible. The school’s buddy system was that the kids couldn’t go anywhere, including bathrooms, alone – they have to go with a friend. Of course, the short trip to the bathroom, with a friend, was an extra recess for them. The kids loved this and enjoyed multiple trips on other errands. So they thought it was unsociable to go or do anything by oneself. But, they now know and understand better.

To me, it means being comfortable in my own skin.

Anyhow, do love yourself and love others unconditionally.

5 Benefits of Loving Yourself

Benefits of Loving Oneself according to UCSC Counseling and Psychological Services (UCSC CAPS) include:

  1. You validate yourself
  2. You give yourself unconditional respect, appreciation and evaluation of being great
  3. You consider yourself as worthy, valuable, and deserving of happiness.
  4. You’ll be able to take care of others because you’ve taken care of yourself first.
  5. You’ll have greater resilience to withstand any challenging life event or personal adversity.

Put Your Mask on First

We’ve heard this repeatedly onboard commercial aircrafts that, in case of an emergency, we need to put our mask on before trying to put the mask on any child flying with us or trying to help another passenger, right? I hope that you have; if not, you heard it here first 😊. It’s the same analogy with loving oneself. “It’s important to love yourself because of the simple truth that you cannot take care of others until you take care of yourself first.” Said another way, “you cannot give what you don’t have,” right?

Tons of people in relationships don’t know how to love the other person simply because they don’t have it in them. We all know (or have heard) of the resultant effects of loveless relationships. So, please do yourself and others a favor by starting to love yourself if you haven’t already been doing so.

Love God First

Finally, the first true love comes from God, our Creator. Without His love we are incapable of loving any other let alone ourselves. So, let us love Him indeed and allow His love to flow through us to ourselves and one another.

❤️✌🏾

Fair Fighting Rules for Relationships

Written by Dr. Eric Perry Image Credit: Pixabay “An eye for an eye will only make the world blind” ~Mahatma Gandhi Arguments and relationships go …

Fair Fighting Rules for Relationships

I’m sharing Dr. Eric Perry’s blog on Fair Fighting Rules for Relationships. Click on the above link to read it.

The Rules are shared with couples mostly during relationship counseling sessions. I believe that Dr. Perry is a Clinical Psychologist. Check his website out and follow him.

I recommend these Rules for all relationships; whether you’re still dating each other (best time to learn the rules!) or newly-weds or even had some years in marriage.

. . .

Have you ever walked in to a home where the couples were yelling at each other? Worst still, calling each other names? And you stare, eyes wide, not knowing what to do? Loving couples are not supposed to do certain things, right? Or maybe I belong to another planet but can’t help myself sharing life on planet Earth.

. . .

Husband: “You never listen to me?!

Wife: “You never allow me to talk?!”

Husband: “You did the same thing last month.”

Wife: “Yes, because you did it first!

Husband: “You’re always competing with me!

Wife: “Shame on you for saying that! Who did I marry?

As the guest, what do you do? Walk back out the door? At least the rantings paused for someone to answer the door. They knew you were coming and you would have expected that they would at least delay the quarrel. But, no, none will budge.

The above rantings are not uncommon in households. But those rantings should be missing in loving homes.

There’s often an underlying problem that needs immediate attention. But some folks prefer to sweep issues under the rug hoping that it will quietly fade away. To this I always say that “it has a way of rearing its ugly head when you least expect it.” And a relationship that has both overt and covert personalities should find a middle ground very early in the relationship to avoid the above kind of rantings. Dr. Eric Perry’s Rules should help.

. . .

Love should not resort to name-calling or try to suppress or oppress the other’s voice or personhood. And, there should be freedom and mutual respect in a relationship.

Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 

2 Corinthians 3:17

All relationships should have Rules and boundaries. Set yours today.

✌🏽😊

If men only knew … 5 Things men ought to know

If only men knew the gift of God that He gave them, men would handle their wives with utmost care and treat them as precious jewels.

Out of the bones of Adam (Genesis 2:21-23), Eve, the mother of all living (Genesis 20:3), was formed. And His Word said, “…, ye husbands, dwell with them (your wives) according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.” (1 Peter 3:7)

That your prayers be not hindered!

Dictionary.com https://www.dictionary.com/browse/hinder provides the definition of: ‘hinder’ as: ‘to cause delay, interruption, or difficulty in; hamper; impede:

In case you still do not understand, God says that if you call on Him, when you’re being (or have been) mean to, or have manhandled, or abused (in any way, shape, or form; i.e., emotional, physically, mentally, financially, spiritually, etc; your wife, He might not answer you quickly!

Why men, or anyone for that natter, would want to go through hindered prayers beats me.

. . .

Do men not know?

It bothers me to know, or hear, that men hit their wives, cheat on them, lie, or engage in idle chatter about them, and worse yet, relegate their wives while loving and placing everyone else above her.

  • Don’t they know that charity begins from home?
  • Don’t they know that both man and wife have become one in the eyes of God, despite that your family members or the public are trying to separate both of you?
  • Don’t they know that whatever ill men do or send their wives’ way, comes back to them; sometimes even much more?
  • Don’t they also know that even if the wife doesn’t say anything and tolerate the “abuse” for the sake of the children and keeping the family together, that God, Jehovah El Roi, sees it all and will avenge on her behalf?
  • Don’t men know that criticizing their wives publicly shows much more the kind of men they are?!!!

It’s a spiritual principle

Even men’s parents ought to take second place after their wives. This is a hard pill for many immature men to swallow. “What? The one who gave birth to me now takes second place?! No way!” Before you stone the messenger; God also said this : “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife” (Mark 10:7, Matthew 19:5, Mark 10:7. Ephesians 5:31).

How I have heard rumblings and offenses at this specific God’s Word! Have men ever wondered, or even asked the Author, why He put this verse in His Book? Only the wise man would stop to think and ask.

. . .

I once was a Mary Kay Cosmetics consultant. Mary Kay Ash was the founder of beauty products established primarily to help women make some income while still maintaining their homes/families. Her business was based on a principle that God is first, family second, and everything/everyone else third (or last). She touted this principle to her beauty consultants stating that if they followed it, they were sure to excel. At the time, I didn’t have a relationship with Father God; only knew Him as someone up there. That has since changed and I haven’t deviated from the valuable principle since knowing Him.

. . .

I said that to implore men to follow this same principle because they are the head (of the house/family) from which the oil flows.

Men, your wives are your help mate to be cherished. Treat your wife like your queen. You are the head and king of your domain and your wife is your partner (or as I normally say, the neck). If the head tries to make a wrong turn, the neck steers it back or becomes stiff forcing the head back to its normal position!

Men, please love your wives “…, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;” (Ephesians 5:25). As you do, you will enjoy the favor of God and man, you’ll be blessed going out and coming in, and your children will honor you because, to your son, you reflect the man they aspire to be, and of how they would treat their own wives; and for your daughters, you will be the yardstick they use to measure men or their own husbands.

5 things Men ought to know

Men ought to:

1. Love their wives unconditionally. Charity begins from home. God says “two have become one.” Loving her is loving yourself. I haven’t met anyone who hates himself. In fact, God says, “love her as Jesus loves the church and gave his life for it!”

2. Treat their wives like queens. Because ”two have become one,” men, you are the heads and kings of your domains and your wives are your partners (or as I normally say, the necks). If the head tries to make a wrong turn, the neck steers it back or becomes stiff forcing the head back to its normal position!

3. Listen to their wives. Women have been naturally wired with instincts and intuition. They just know things. Men (and the family) would benefit greatly if they first consult with, and listen to, their wives. As an example, God told Abraham to listen to Sarah when she asked that Hagar be sent away (Genesis 21:12).

4. Cover their wives. Wise men know how to do this. But for those who don’t, it simply means that you do not embarrass your wife intentionally or otherwise, especially publicly. Even when she is the cause of the embarrassment, it’s wisdom to cover her than causing her shame or more embarrassment.

5. Cherish her and help with the chores.

  1. Let her know that she’s the most important person in your life; not your mom. Your wife is the one who shares bed with you and cooks your meals; not your mom. Your wife is also the first point of call should there be, God forbid, an accident; not your mom! If your mom is more important, maybe you’re not ready for marriage. Ouch, that’s cold. But, sorry men, you need to hear it since your wife couldn’t tell you. I’m not disrespecting mothers, I’m one too. There’s a reason you married your wife and not your mom; never forget that reason;
  2. Know your wife’s primary love language and demonstrate such to her. Men, you (or both of you) will be frustrated if you keep buying her stuff when all she wants is to spend quality time with you or vice versa. Giving and receiving the right kind of love improves the aura of the home/family.
  3. Skip outings just to spend time together or just for her to rest and recharge her energy.
  4. If you have kids, take the kids out so she can rest.

Men, now that you know, please do the right thing to, and with, your wife if you haven’t already been doing so.

Thanks for reading.

Stay blessed!

Love-first model for marriage and relationships

We posed the question, in our previous blog, should-love-or-marriage-be-based-on-a-business-or-love-first-model.

We talked about the business-first model and what relationships would be like if we adopted that model. If you missed it, click bit.ly/2Czm55T to read it.

Today, we review the other type of relationship; love-first model. It should be a no-brainer that relationships are based on love, right? No! It’d amaze even Venus that it’s not so!

What is love?

Dictionary.com https://www.dictionary.com/browse/love offers a few definitions of: ‘love’ as:

  • a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person;
  • sexual passion or desire.
  • a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.

What is the love-first model?

It is the kind that marriages and relationships ought to be about. It is also the kind where each edifies the other above one self. The Bible provides us with a standard:

“Love suffers long, and is kind;

love envies not;

love vaunts not itself, is not puffed up,

Love does not behave itself unseemly, seeks not his/her own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil;

Love rejoices not in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails: ….”

‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:4-8‬ ‭KJV

This is the utmost kind of relationship everyone desires and/or should aspire to. But how do we get it?

How can we enter into this ideal model?

I believe that this kind of relationship is possible when men wisely choose their ladies and the ladies patiently wait for their other half to search them out. Then, there is dignity, mutual respect, and appreciation in love.

If marriages and relationships are based on the love-first model, there will be no occurrences of separation, divorce, or leaving one another. The relationship one enters into, will culminate into marriages till death does one or both apart. That, to me, is the ideal kind!

But since we do have incidents of separation and divorces, is’t then safe to say that either one of the parties chose the wrong partner to begin with or that one or both entered into the relationship under pretense or that the marriage or relationship was entered into for the wrong reasons? Maybe? Only both parties can tell.

Your choice

Now that you know what love really is, which would you choose as your model for marriage or relationship; the business-first or the love-first?

For the love-first model, pray and have a confirmation in your spirit that you are choosing wisely because the alternative (aka wrong choice) can be disastrous.

Love and Peace!

Should love or marriage be based on a business- or love-first model?

“What’s in it for me?” “You rub my back and I rub yours (or scratch or poke yours depending on how I’m feeling about you! Lol). Sounds so cold, unh? Yet, these selfish and shamefacedly statements have now become cliches in households.

Why does anything have to be in it for you? What about the other person? Why have we starved love and become so hungry for the $dollar (or money, for those who don’t spend the almighty currency!)? What happened to us all?

I could rant endlessly in the hope that some “expert” somewhere could answer my questions.

With the above outlooks on love/marriage, falling in love or getting married becomes scary. Should it? Let’s talk about it and consider both models.

Business-first model

Dictionary.com defines ‘Business’ as:
https://www.dictionary.com/browse/business

  1. an occupation, profession, or trade:
  2. the purchase and sale of goods in an attempt to make a profit.
  3. a person, partnership, or corporation engaged in commerce, manufacturing, or a service; profit-seeking enterprise or concern.

Marriage is honorable …” Hebrews 13:4a

Types of businesses

There are different types of businesses; the top four are:

  1. Sole proprietorship
  2. Partnership
  3. Corporations
  4. Limited Liability Companies.

The business-first model in marriage is similar to a Partnership. In all businesses, it is wise to have an agreement/contract that clarifies expectations. The contract in marriage is called the Prenuptial Agreement or Prenups, for short.

My humble opinion is that prenups are business-in-marriage documents that should have no place when the marriage is grounded in love.

However, I can envisage why one person (or both) favors prenups before entering into the marriage.

For your information, prenups are not relegated to famous and wealthy folks. Average, everyday, working-class people have been known to request prenups before marrying. I wonder why anyone would marry prenuptially! Personally, I won’t.

Comment below if you would marry someone who presents you with a prenup. If not, why not? Thanks.

If a business model is applied to marriage, it implies that three scenarios are imminent:

  1. either one person profits, and the other losses;
  2. both parties win; or
  3. both parties lose!

Let’s expatiate on each scenario in reverse order

The third scenario (both parties lose; lose-lose) means that the outcome was a fallout, separation, or divorce. Is it safe to say then that both parties were misfits to start with? What caused a fallout or the ultimate decision of a divorce? What differences were so grave that could not have been forgiven, or as Californian courts will rule, were irreconcilable? Are we so callous with one another such that we take the “it’s my way or the highway!” stance? Maybe, we all should choose our significant others wisely before heading on the crooked road.

The second scenario (both parties win; win-win) is the ideal. But remember that the goal of starting a business is to make a profit; aka ROI, return on investment. In a marriage, what would those investments be? Using children as an example, as I couldn’t think of a better one,. Neither party didn’t begin the marriage with children. Each party brought something; the man contributed his sperm and the woman her eggs. “The profit” is the children?! What would we say about those in a second or third marriage who brought children into the new marriage. Blended home profit? What other examples can be used? Furniture, cars, etc. with the outcome (profit) being a home?! Maybe. What if one party does not have the furniture or cars? Should they still start a “business” together or the items become “ours” rather than mine or yours? Or as in a real business partnership, the type of partnership will be defined; that is, who would be the active, dormant/sleeping, limited powers, etc. partner? I’ll like to hear your thoughts on this.

With this scenario, it appears that both parties made the right choice of “business” partner, right? We all might need to take cue(s) from this type of business-first love/marriage.
How then would the profits be divided? 50/50 or ratio relative to your contribution?

The first scenario (win-loss) is a troublesome one. Were both parties, the onset, aware of what the outcome would be? Why would anyone knowingly enter into a losing business? Were there any part of the contract that was latent, ambiguous, or intentionally omitted? If so, should there still be a contract – shouldn’t the contract be voidable, void, and/or rescinded? Let’s ponder on these for a moment. Some relationships are doomed even before they begin because everyone saw and knew that it was never meant to be nor was it going to last. Only the people involved couldn’t see nor know it! I could name a few examples but I don’t want to be litigated! You probably know one or two as well.

. . .

Each of the above scenarios is worth pondering on. If you or I were to enter into a marriage or relationship, which scenario would you or I choose as our ideal? I know for sure that I would 💯 choose the second win-win scenario and I hope that you would, too.

What could humanity do to avoid a losing love/marriage? What sustainable relationship tips can we pass on that can help others and especially the younger generation?

Please comment below.

We’ll continue with the other model, Love-first in our next blog. Till then,

Love & Peace

Thanks for reading.

Love me

Caption by Think-Talk

Love me

Not for my looks

‘Cause those will soon fade away;

Not for my smarts

For those were given to me

And could be taken away;

Not for my money

‘Cause you might detest me when it’s gone.

Love me

Just for me.

If for my looks you came

Know that you’ll disappear

When the bulges come

Or the grays sip in.

If for my smarts

When God forbid dementia visits

I know you’ll become the guest and the owner not.

If for my moolah

Know that it is not just for you

For a million mouths

I have chosen to feed.

If you’ll stay

Stay then you must

Not for my looks

Or smarts

Or moolah

But for me

So love me

Just for who I am.

Who I am is within

It’s not found in the looks

Or smarts

Or moolah

It is found in my heart

Which is yet to be seen and explored

By you.

Love me

Just for me! ❤️

Love and Love Languages

How do you love yourself or allow yourself to be loved? Are you the flower person, chocolates, wine and dine, just-hold-my-hands kind of person? Or do you prefer the long (phone/face-to-face) conversations? Whatever your preference, wouldn’t you like your significant other to know, or you knowing your children’s; if you have any?

Wouldn’t you also like to know the type of love your relationship (or marriage) is exhibiting?

Well, if you already don’t know, we all speak various love languages. These languages often can be misconstrued. Knowing the different types of love and love languages can set relationships straight.

. . .

Biblically, there are four types of love. Jack Zavada writes about Eros, Storge, Philia, and Agape in his article. Click here to read more https://www.thoughtco.com/types-of-love-in-the-bible-700177.

Agape is the highest form of love. It’s the God-kind of Love which we all should aspire to.

. . .

Psychologically, there are seven types of Love. Neel Burton M.D. adds three more to the biblical types. I learned something as these three are all new to me. To read them, please click here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201606/these-are-the-7-types-love.

Did you learn something new as well? Yes or No, please comment below.

There’s however an eighth kind that I’ll like to add.

Mania (obsessive/excessive) love. This kind of love can manifest in the other seven, maybe six (excluding Agape) if not checked.

Love Languages

Love has a language. They are Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.

Speaking the wrong language is akin to someone speaking Swahili to a Greek. Result is chaos, (love) clutter, and reciprocity failure. It is important to know one’s love language as well as one’s spouse, children, and/or close friends.

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, “it helps strengthen relationships … as different people with different personalities express love in different ways.

Interested in finding out your love language, click here [https://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/]. Each of us have a primary (dominant) language. We can also have a secondary (recessive) language as well as multiple love languages.

Have fun discovering your love language. And should you feel like sharing, do so in the Reply/Comments below.

Happy Father’s Day

Girl Daddy

Click here https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2019/06/father-day-celebrates-today-190616060505310.html for the history of Father’s Day

. . .

To all fathers worldwide
But particularly to fathers
in the countries celebrating Father’s Day today;

Thank you for the patriarchal leading
and gathering of all your children under your arms
That are so broad and strong
Yet so caring and stern

Thank you for your guidance
And protection;

For waking up early everyday
To bring home the bacon
So that your children and family
Will be sufficiently provided for
And not go without the necessities of life;
Thank you for the little extras you add
That makes you the special provider;

Thank you for all that you do
Which sometimes goes unappreciated
Yet you never stop giving and doing;

We pause today
To celebrate all that you represent
To let you know
How much we care, love, and appreciate you
We want to pause for you everyday
But wish that you weren’t so busy
We want to pause for you to rest
And wish that you will take of us the best

We want to pause for you today

For icecream and cake

Or golf

Or a walk with you in the garden

We want to pause for you
And shout it out loud
That you are the very best.

Happy Father’s Day
June 21, 2020

You simply are the BEST!

. . .

Happy Father’s Day
to the Father of all fathers
Whose attributes are a trillion times more than all the above
Who sits majestically on His Throne
Watching over his sons below
Guiding and directing their paths
So they can be all that He’s created them to be

We love you Our Father
Who art in heaven
We hallow your name
Today as always
And anticipate always
That Your Kingdom
Come now.
Thank you for truly being
The Omnipotent, Omniscient, and Omnipresent.
We love You Father

The Father of all fathers


Today and always;

Happy Father’s Day
June 21, 2020

Lion of The Tribe of Judah