So you think you’re ready for marriage. How’s your E-Educational Development?

Credits: Unsplash / Tim Mossholder

Literacy in itself is no education. Literacy is not the end of education or even the beginning. By education I mean an all-round drawing out of the best in the child and man-body, mind and spirit.

Mahatma Gandhi

Education does not stop after graduation from high school or college/university. Real educational development continues way after receiving your diploma and throwing of your cap. Completing the education was only the foundation in life.

Your educational development will continue way past graduation and will be tested in various areas of your life. How much you knew (or thought you knew), what you know (or thought you do know), and how much you are willing to learn or know. Are you teachable or rigid; open or closed to learn from others?

I have written two prior posts on Education. They serve as preambles. Please read them before continuing.

If you stop learning after graduation, you will degenerate.”

Chris Adedoyin @VarsityExperience

After graduation, your first test will come on-the-job from your boss, team members, or the company’s clients or vendors. Or if you’re one of the few who delved right into building a business upon graduation, it will come from everyone you deal with; such dealings can determine your success or failure in the business.

Are you willing to learn new things and follow instructions? Not following instructions can sometimes cost businesses, and personal, dollars. No matter what you’ve learned, every organization has its way of doing business and things; also known as its culture.

First things first (credits to Stephen Covey), never squeeze yourself into a culture you don’t fit into.

Your first job will often be a test of everything you know, thought you knew, are humble to acknowledge you don’t know, and are willing to know and learn. Yes, I recognize that I’m repeating this and might probably do once more during the post. But, life itself is all about this. It is when we acknowledge that we really don’t know as much as we thought we knew, that we’ll be open to learning.

Simply, you can continue your educational development by:

  1. Reading
  2. Being in company of those you deem intellectually superior than you
  3. Having mentors; either professional or personal
  4. Taking classes, and/or
  5. Willing to return to college.

How does your educational development apply in marriage?

It depends on who you marry and/or the family you married into. For example, if your spouse is highly educated, it will behove you to be on the same educational level. If not, you should return to the classroom, else s/he might not deem you “an intellectual equal.” That might put a wedge in that area in your marriage.

Likewise, if your spouse’s family are all intellectuals, and you are not, they might be condescending leading you to being of low self esteem if yours is underdeveloped or non-existence. The reverse is equally true – if you have a higher degree but married one who has a high school diploma. And if you come from an intellectual family but married into a family of laid back education-is-not-for-us kind.

Please note that I am not condemning one or the other, merely stating my opinion and life observations/experiences.

I must point out though that these scenarios are not edged in stone; they are the general life experiences. As we all know, there are always a few exceptions that defy generalizations. Such instances are often the God-kind.

An instance of marrying into a family of intellectuals should, in my opinion, rub off on one to motivate such a person to return to college.

Sean K. Fletcher reminded me/us of the recent development of folks aspiring for “the PhD or doctorate as the highest level qualification today …”. Imagine competing for a job/position with such holders if all you have is high school, some college, or BA/B.Sc.

The purpose of this post is to encourage you to continue your educational development beyond graduation and to have an open mind towards continued learning and educating yourself. The benefits, both tangible and intangible, will be both personal and beneficial to your marriage.

“The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.”

Albert Einstein

Do not let anything interfere with your learning; not even yourself.

So you think you’re ready … how is your E-Emotional Development

PEMFESS+P: The First E-Emotional Development

A lot can be unpacked as regards Emotions. Your emotions impact every area of your life. It is your brain and feelings connection. When fully grounded in the emotions, other areas will be positive. Similarly, out-of-control emotions negatively impact other areas of one’s life. This does not mean that you suppress those emotions though. They are there for a reason. It merely means that you give them the right balance of how to appropriately express yourself at the right time. However, if you are one to have emotional outbursts, now is the time to work on them before those emotions get you in trouble.

As an example, I used to work where an Executive Manager would throw the desk phone at someone or the wall when he was angry or work wasn’t going his way. The last time he did it unfortunately the organization’s Chief was walking into his office and had to duck. The Executive was asked to resign or be fired. Such behaviors are unacceptable especially for a leader in private or publicly. Neither would such be acceptable in marriage.

The development of our emotions begin in infancy and involves how we express ourselves in the good, bad, and ugly situations. It involves self-expression, using our words positively rather than our fists and name-calling, self-control, etc. What, and how, you do when you’re fearful, angry, or sad, feeling sorrow or hate, or are excited. Do you wear your emotions on your sleeves? Do you throw tantrums and everyone around you have to walk on eggshells? Or do you suppress those emotions in an attempt to be “nice.”

Your Emotional Development is the difference between being proactive and reactive.

“Children who grow up in a less nurturing environment are more likely to have an unstable emotional foundation – affecting the rest of their lives.”

Being proactive and seeking counseling or therapy will be beneficial in unpacking and dealing with any covert or overt childhood emotional or traumatic experiences. The earlier you identify the need for counseling or therapy sessions, the better it will be for your emotional wellness and stability.

This is the time to deal with any emotional wounds so you aren’t carrying those baggages along with you in life and into your marriage.

You must have achieved a mastery of some emotions as an emerging adult, while other emotions will continue to develop. Also, being aware that the brain is not fully developed until age 24 (some say age 25), explains the irrational and/or immature behaviors of emerging adults, which includes you.

What emotions do you exhibit when you’re happy, sad, angry, frustrated, afraid, etc. What or who brings those emotions to the surface? How do you handle yourself when those emotions surface? We all obviously gravitate towards affable personalities and those who gives us a smile or use kind words. Are you any of this?

Identify those emotional habits that need to change and begin working on them. You’ll be the better for it.

Helps for Your Emotions

  • Sleep is essential and therapeutic. A good rest and sleep helps us to express ourselves calmer. I hope that you make rest and sleep a priority.
  • Good and balanced diet is also essential for your emotional development. “A hungry lady is an angry lady” is true. Ensure that you feed yourself healthy and timely meals.
  • In addition, I cannot overemphasize the need for your physical exercises. Having a trainer is good, but unnecessary in my opinion. Neither do you need to purchase expensive exercise gadgets. A 30-minute or more walk or run round your block at least thrice a week is all you need. The gym membership, exercise gadgets are merely extras.
  • Laugh or Smile. Yes, laughing and smiling not only slows aging, but is also a stress reliever. Also freely laugh at yourself; it won’t hurt much when others laugh at you.
  • Meditation. I meditate in the Word of God. Some choose yoga. Find what works for you and start doing it.
  • Remove yourself from toxic environments and people. Don’t linger in such merely for the sake of friendship or because you need the job, especially now that businesses are opening up after the long closure due to covid-19.
  • Surround yourself with positive influences.

Once you cultivate these habits, they’ll become a part of you that will be difficult to forego going into marriage.

Master Your Emotions

We all love the happy and positive emotions and want more of them. However, we will not be human without the negative emotions. We just hope that we have less of the negative ones. So, what do we do when certain negative emotions surface?

  1. First, dig deeper and find out the root of the emotion. Is’t really the person or incident or there’s an underlying, untended, and untreated reason. Am I just having a bad day? Is this a one-off emotion or recurring given the person, place, or thing?
  2. Once identified, deal with the root.
  3. If it still persists, have a talk with the person
  4. Changing your perception of the person, place, or thing is also helpful. Not reacting, but redirecting the emotion. Also, choosing to see something positive in the person, place, or thing to replace the negative emotion is also helpful.
  5. If that fails, remove yourself if possible from the person, place, or thing.

Our emotions impact our mental abilities. Stay tuned for the next post on Mental Development.

To your holistic beautiful self and higher emotional intelligence 😍

References