Sharing #K.E. Garland’s post published in March.Please check out her site for other awesome posts.
Just came across this post, Being A Woman: Facts And Receipts, by Kathy, my Internet Sista. Though it’s not Sharing Thursday, the post is an everyday post worth reading and worth making an exception.
There’s still a lot to be said and done regarding what it feels like being a Woman.
There are cultures that would ignore blogs such as this with a flip of the finger that “it’s just another feminist talk or movement.” But, if those folks were born of women (alleluia we all are!), sounds to me that they’re unconsciously flipping their mothers and sisters off. Ouch did I just write or typed that, but who would want to do that? Sorry, my phone made me do it. This is serious though. Better and re-educating needs to be done by these cultures and the folks allowing the absurd treatment and relegation of women.
Come to think of it, if there are two genders and one is being relegated and/or silenced, which of the genders is responsible? I’m just thinking out loud.
Please read and contribute your voice(s) to the betterment of women everywhere. As Kathy stated, “we have work to do.” Oh, yes, we do. Let the work begin now. Thank goodness we are not where we used to be, but we are still not where we ought to be regarding equality and women.
Is’t necessary for ladies to change their last name on marriage?
First, what’s in a last name? Or, put another way, what’s in your last name? Some regions call it surname.
Your last name/surname is your legacy. Your DNA.
In researching for this post, I found an article on the origin of last names. The article stated that
People haven’t always had last names.
China was one of the earliest civilizations to use surnames.
For many years, surnames were passed down by mothers, and
European last names had many sources which can be put into four groups: patronymic, locative, occupational or status, and nicknames.
Most cultures now take on their father’s last name. People change their first names all the time. I did legally from the long to the short form of my name. But it is rare to change one’s last name.
Marriage and Last Name
In several cultures, once married, ladies take on their husbands’ last name. But is’t necessary? When and where did it start? Does it have to continue unchanged forever? This is not about women’s lib. Let’s reason together. I think it is just a tradition that people are hard to let go of. Falls into the “it’s the way it’s done” and “we’ve always done it this way” kind. Read this article to find out more.
As I write this post, I remembered a guy who five years ago took on his new wife’s last name rather than follow tradition. Of course his family didn’t appreciate him doing that but … Initially, I also was apprehensive but later shrugged it off. Why not? Who says that it has to always be one way?
I recognize that some ladies will desire to change to their married name to showcase their new title/status. Society and sometimes the families (both the maiden and marital) insist that the lady change to her married name. If not, it is viewed as if the woman still wants to “roam the singles’ fields” and is not ready for marriage. That’s certainly not true. The change to marital name shouldn’t be mandated (or forced) for those who don’t desire it.
Divorce and Last Name
Noone married hopes for a divorce, but it happens. The after-divorce is one reason why some women retain their maiden name. Some might connote this as a self/fulfilling prophecy to which I disagree. On divorce, especially in a highly-contested one, the desire to continue to carry the name might not be present. Changing back the last name is easy, but it is a huge hassle to change one’s records (for example, career, academic, professional, credit, financial , etc.). It is not a one-time-take-care-of-it-all thing. You never know when you might have to prove your identity in the future because of the change. So what do ladies do? It’s the ladies’ choice. But if it causes disharmony, err on the side of peaceful agreement. An alternative is to use the maiden-married last name hopefully that soothes both parties,
Daughters of Daughters
Also, daughters easily lose their patronymic identity on marriage as a result of this tradition. What if those daughters bore more or only daughters? This might mean that the maiden last name might eventually be extinct. What do such daughters do? My suggestion is to include the mother’s maiden last name on their daughters (or even all children’s) birth certificates so the last name can continue and because it is an important part of their identity.
What are your thoughts on ladies maintaining their maiden last name, and continuing the legacy of the name, on marriage?
Strong Women of Africa was first blogged on November 25, 2020 as part of The Strong Women Series. The first of the Series highlighted my favorite Strong Women of The Bible. In honor of International Women’s Day, and celebrating all women globally during the month of March being Women’s Month, I will re-blog the Series throughout the remainder of March. Read along, even if you read the initial post of each section of the Series, as changes may have been made.
We congratulate Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala (NOI), the newly-appointed General of World Trade Organization. Madam NOI was actually included in the initial blog though in an acting capacity.
As you may, or may not, know, Africa is a continent comprising of fifty-five 55) countries spread across its northern, southern, central, eastern, and western regions; each having seven (7), five (5), seven (7), twenty (20), and seventeen (16) countries respectively. Nigeria is the most populous African country with 206 million. For countries that make up each region, please click here.
This information is necessary to help visualize the magnitude of people that we are attempting to highlight. It is impossible to include every strong woman of the continent. As previously stated, in our initial blog of the Series, several strong women are unknown. Most are heads of their households. Those who are married are overworked and inadequately compensated or not compensated at all. Those in the workforce are still grossly underpaid compared to their male counterparts working the same job.
In my research, I found a UNESCO (United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization) interactive map of Women in African History. I love the interactives; I hope you do too. Unfortunately, this interactive lists only 32 women; one woman per country highlighted. There were 23 countries that did not have any woman highlighted. Click on the link above for the interactive map and on the picture to view details of the woman.
We know that there are tons of Strong Women of Africa than the referenced interactive showcased. But I would rather not burden you with the encyclopedic information of these Strong Women. As you read, if you know or have heard of any Strong Woman, kindly include her in the comment.
The above highlights Historic Strong Women of Africa. This link, courtesy of Forbes, showcases modern notable Strong Women of Africa. Again, the list might not be exhaustive. Include other known names you’ve either read about, heard, or known in the comments.
African Women, like their global counterparts have defied several odds to attain their current pinnacles. From the first African female Head of State, Ellen Johnson Sirleaf of Liberia (there has since been other African female Heads of States), to Asnath Mahapa, the first African woman to become a pilot in South Africa, to Wangari Maathai, the first African woman to receive the Nobel Peace Prize, to Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala, the first African woman to head the World Trade Organization (WTO), African Women continue to graciously stamp their footprints on the sands of time. Yet, there are still more Strong African Women needed to rise up and/or pass the baton on. I salute your courage and thank you for paving the way.
There are only 14 countries in the Australia/Oceania. Australia, which is the only continent that is also a country, has three countries; namely, Australia, Papua New Guinea, and part of Indonesia.
Australia also has more female government leaders than any of the Continents that I have curated so far.
. . .
Historic Strong Women
Wilhelmina (Mina) Wylie (1891-1984)
Sarah (Fanny) Durack (1889-1956)
“These two Australian friends rewrote history for female swimmers in New South Wales, Australia. When they began, females were banned from any competition where males were competing, meaning all major sporting events were out of bounds.” Their collective skills became so profound that the public kicked back against these regulations, pushing them to be part of the 1912 Olympic Games in Stockholm.
Edith Cowan (1861-1932). The first woman to be elected to parliament in Australia, co-founded the Karrakatta Club, which lobbied for the right for women to vote, and also co-founded Western Australia’s National Council of Women. The continent’s $50 note displays her face.
Evelyn Scott (1935-2017). An activist, Evelyn Scott, was a key game changer for indigenous rights throughout her life. She played a crucial role campaigning during the 1967 Constitutional Referendum for the inclusion of indigenous people in the national census.
Maude Bonney (1897-1994). Bonney holds the record as the first female aviator to circumnavigate Australia, the first woman to fly from Australia to England, and also the first woman to fly from Australia to South Africa.
Jane Foss Barff (1863-1937). An educationist, a leader and fighter for a woman’s right to an education in Australia. Was notably a founding member of the Sydney University Women’s Society which promoted higher education of women, as well as the first woman to achieve a Master of Arts in Sydney.
Faith Thomas. Has a few firsts – she was the first indigenous woman to play international cricket professionally in Australia, the first woman to be selected for any professional sport on the continent, one of the first aboriginal nurses to graduate from the Royal Adelaide Hospital, and the first to run a hospital.
Louise Mack (1870-1935). Louise Mack was the first female war correspondent, reporting for the Evening News and London’s Daily Mail from the front lines during World War I.
Pearl (Gambanyi) Gibbs (1901-1983) was an Aboriginal rights activist, largely involved in the Australian Aborigines’ League in the 1930s. Her face adorns the continent’s old $5 bill.
Dr Evelyn Scott. Previously honored on the continent’s $10, Dr. Scott was the first general secretary of the Indigenous-controlled Federal Council for the Advancement for Aboriginals and Torres Strait Islanders (FCAATSI), an organisation pushing for Indigenous self-determination.
Dame Mary Gilmore (1865–1962) was a poet, as well as an author, journalist and keen campaigner against inequality and deprivation. Her face adorns the continent’s $10 bill.
Emily Kame Kngwarreye (1910-1996) is one of Australia’s most prominent and successful contemporary artists, whose work redefined Indigenous Art. Emily was the first Aboriginal artist to exceed a public sale of more than one million dollars. Her face previously adorned Australia’s $20 bill.
Mary Reibey (1777–1855) actually arrived in Australia in 1792 as a convict, but this tenacious achiever then went on to become a successful shipping magnate and philanthropist. The Australian $20 note contains her image.
Cathy Freeman. one of Australia’s most famous athletes, a beacon of Indigenous excellence and championed equal access and opportunities, anti-racism and simply, defiantly celebrated Black Australia. She is the founder of the Cathy Freeman Foundation, an organisation aiming to close the education gap and help Indigenous children succeed in school. Her face previously graced the continent’s $50.
Dr Lowitja O’Donoghue. The first Aboriginal woman to be awarded an Order of Australia (OA) and the first-ever Aboriginal trainee nurse in South Australia. She made a name for herself for her outstanding contribution and involvement to health, community development, social justice and the Aboriginal Legal Rights Movement. Her face previously adorned the continent’s $100 bill.
Dame Nellie Melba. The new $100 note features the legendary soprano.
Nova Peris. The first Aboriginal Australian to win an Olympic gold medal for the women’s hockey team in 1996. the first indigenous woman to be elected into parliament in 2012, advocating for egalitarianism and the end of racism in Australia and around the world.
Ita Buttrose. Ira has authored 9 books, appeared on the panel of numerous TV talk shows, was given the honourable title of an Officer of the Order of Australia, and also recognized for Outstanding Lifetime Achievement at the Kennedy Awards for Excellence in Journalism
Poh Ling Yeow, one of Australia’s most-loved TV personalities with her own series, Poh’s Kitchen and Poh& Co, has authored 5 books. Poh is also an accomplished painter, making her a true inspiration for women with multiple passions in life.
Julie Bishop was once Australia’s Minister for Foreign Affairs and deputy leader of the Liberal. A champion for important causes, including public health, education, advancements in science and technology.
Lisa Wilkinson, the youngest ever Australian magazine editor at the age of 21, was appointed a Member of the Order of Australia in 2016, to honor her remarkable contribution to media, as well as to youth and women’s health issues.
. . .
Australia’s Strong Women can be found in all spheres of life. But as I’ve always stated, it’s impossible to include every notable lady/woman. The goal of the Series is to highlight a sample of contributors in each continent.
I hope that I have achieved this goal. Feel free to comment. Thanks a lot for reading.
Successful women everywhere have been known to defy several odds in their pursuit of success. But those odds are immensely more for the Strong Women. In addition to all the challenges that women already face, the Strong Woman has more to contend with mentally.
Mentally Strong Women though caring and nurturing, are equally enterprising, they do not spend time idly chatting, but use their time wisely and constructively, they exude confidence and character. They are also extremely independent and may often be misconstrued as not needing anyone’s help. They do need help, but send a message that they are not helpless. They value honesty in relationships. Majority of Strong Women embrace professions/careers historically reserved for men.
Unfortunately, regarding careers, women still deal with inequalities in earnings; aka gender pay gaps.
Last year, several celebrities came out to share their experiences.
But celebrities are not the only ones experiencing gender pay gaps. Ordinary people like you and I (if a lady/woman or even a minority) also experience it.
According to Payscale, “In 2020, women make only $0.81 for every dollar a man makes. … This figure represents a 2 percent improvement from 2019 and a 7 percent improvement from 2015, when the median salary for men was roughly 26 percent higher than the median salary for women.”
Canada’s Strong Women
I learned some new things writing this piece about Canada and both its historic and modern Women. One thing that stood out was that the historic women were also activists who fought for one cause or the other. The modern women everywhere are standing on the backs of the historic women; making the historic ceilings their own modern foundations. Unfortunately, lately, being an activist has connoted negativity which ought not to be.
. . .
Whether we publicly acknowledge it or not, each one of us is standing up (or fighting for) something. What are you standing up for (or against) that you will love to be remembered for?
Doris Anderson (1921–2007); Magazine editor and women’s movement champion.
Kenojuak Ashevak (1927–2013); An inspiring Inuit artist.
Emily Carr (1871–1945); A West Coast artist who has been described as “Canada’s Van Gogh.”
Mary Shadd Cary (1823–1893); First black woman newspaper editor in North America; a tireless advocate for universal education, black emancipation, and women’s rights.
Thérèse Casgrain (1896–1981); Activist, radio host, and politial leader; founded the Provincial Franchise Committee for Women’s Suffrage in 1921 and later hosted a prominent radio program, called Fémina, for Radio-Canada; the first female leader of a political party in Canada — the left-leaning Co-operative Commonwealth Federation (CCF) — in the 1940s.
Ga’axstal’as, Jane Constance Cook (1870–1951); Kwakwaka’wakw leader, cultural mediator, and activist.
Viola Desmond (1914–1965); Challenged segregation practices in Nova Scotia. Long before the modern civil rights movement in the United States, a black woman from Halifax took a stand for racial equality in a rural Nova Scotia movie theatre.
Mary Two–Axe Earley (1911–1996); Challenged law discriminating against First Nations women.
Marcelle Ferron (1924–2001); Quebec painter and stained glass artist.
Hannah (Annie) Gale (1876–1970); First alderwoman in the British Empire.
Anne Hébert (1916–2000); A writer whose work was universally recognized in all francophone countries.
Adelaide Hoodless (1857–1910); Educational reformer and founder of the Women’s Institute.
Pauline Johnson (1861–1913); Poet and public speaker.
Marie Lacoste Gérin-Lajoie (1867–1945); Feminist, social reformer, lecturer, educator, and author.
Margaret Laurence (1926–1987);One of the giants of Canadian literature.
Eveline Charles, Founder, Eveline Charles Salons, Spas and Beauty
Lynne Fafard, President and Chief Executive Officer, Riverbend Group of Companies
Samantha Kennedy, Creator and Chief Executive Officer, Booty Camp Fitness
Margot Micallef, Founder and President, Oliver Capital Partners Inc.
Gloria Rajkumar, President and Chief Executive Officer, SIMAC Canada Inc.
PUBLIC SECTOR LEADERS
Rear Admiral Jennifer Bennett, Commander of the Naval Reserve, Canadian Navy
Karen Branscombe, Superintendent, School District 2, New Brunswick
Janice Charette, Associate Secretary to the Cabinet and Deputy Minister Intergovernmental Affairs, Privy Council Office of Canada
Moya Greene, Chief Executive, Royal Mail
Dana Hayden, Deputy Minister, Ministry of Jobs, Tourism and Innovation, Government of British Columbia
The Honourable Marjory LeBreton, Leader of the Government in the Senate
Dr. Lesley Lovett-Doust, President and Vice Chancellor, Nipissing University
Marilyn McLaren, President and Chief Executive Officer, Manitoba Public Insurance Corporation
Twyla Meredith, President and Chief Executive Officer, Saskatchewan Gaming Corporation
Heather Munroe-Blum, Principal and Vice-Chancellor, McGill University
Gail Stephens, City Manager, City of Victoria
Jennifer Stoddart, Privacy Commissioner of Canada, Office of the Privacy Commissioner of Canada
Marian Zerr, Deputy Minister, Saskatchewan Ministry of Social Services
Shelby Austin, Founder, ATD Legal Services PC
Ashley Hilkewich, Director, Partner Relations and International Operations, Free the Children
Lesley Scorgie, Author, Rich by Thirty and Rich By Forty; Owner, Rich By Inc.
Rumeet Toor, President, Jobs in Education; Founder, The Toor Centre for Teacher Education; and PhD Candidate, The University of Toronto
TRAILBLAZERS AND TRENDSETTERS
Dr. Catherine Aczel Boivie, Senior Vice President, Information and Technology Management, Vancity; Chief Executive Officer, Inventure Solutions, Vancity Credit Union
Col. Jennie Carignan, Acting Brigade Commander-5th Canadian Brigade- Group, Department of National Defense
Eva Carissimi, Sudbury Smelter Director, Xstrata Nickel
Dr. Fiona Costello, Associate Professor, Departments of Clinical Neurosciences and Surgery, Clinician Scientist, Hotchkiss Brain Institute
Susan Doniz, Former Director and Chief Information Officer Research and Development, Product Supply and Sales, Global Beauty and Grooming, Procter and Gamble; Senior Vice President and Chief Information Officer, Aimia
Leslie Gales, President, Midland Group of Companies Inc.
Dr. Anne-Claude Gingras, Principal Investigator, Scientist, Mount Sinai Hospital
Frieda Granot, Senior Associate Dean, Strategic Development and External Relations, Sauder School Of Business, UBC
Dr. Roberta Jamieson, President and Chief Executive Officer, National Aboriginal Achievement Foundation
Connie Linder, Founder and President, Green Pages Directory Inc.; Co-Founder and Vice President Communications, Polymer Research Technologies
Ellen Moore, Chairman, President and Chief Executive Officer, Chubb Insurance Company of Canada
Stacey Mowbray, President and Chief Executive Officer, The Second Cup ltd
Janice Odegaard, Senior Vice President and General Counsel, Suncor Energy Inc.
Leslie O’Donoghue, Executive Vice President, Operations, Agrium Inc.
Susan Paish, Chief Executive Officer, Pharmasave Drugs Ltd.
Nathalie Pilon, President, Thomas and Betts
Susan Riddell Rose, President and Chief Executive Officer, Perpetual Energy
Mandy Shapansky, President and Chief Executive Officer, Xerox Canada
Launi Skinner, Chief Executive Officer, First West Credit Union
Connie Stefankiewicz, President and Chief Executive Officer, BMO InvestorLine
Kathleen Taylor, President and Chief Executive Officer, Four Seasons Hotels and Resorts
Nancy Tower, Executive Vice President and Chief Financial Officer, Emera Incorporated
Janet Wood, Executive Vice President, Maintenance Go-To-Market, SAP
Dr. Gail Cook-Bennett, Chair of the Board, Manulife Financial
Carol Hansell, Senior Partner, Davies Ward Phillips and Vineberg LLP
Catherine McLeod-Seltzer, Chair, Bear Creek Mining and Pacific Rim Mining and Corporate Director, Kinross Gold Corp, Major Drilling, Troon Resources
Mary Mogford, Corporate Director, PotashCorp
Guylaine Saucier, Corporate Director, Bank of Montreal, Areva, Danone and Wendel
Dr. Carol Stephenson, Dean, Richard Ivey School of Business
. . .
ThinkTalk applauds the contributions of all the historic and Strong Women everywhere and, at a later time, would like to compile a list of all the StrongWomen highlighted in our Series as a collective memoir.
Libido? Cupidity? Power (Clout) and Control, Social Status, Shortage of men, or simply because they can and the women allow it?
Your answer is as good as mine.
. . .
Polygamy is the act of marrying multiple spouses, simultaneously or sequentially, without first divorcing the other spouse.
Sociologists have different terms when the man marries multiple wives. The act is called polygyny; and polyandry when the woman marries multiple men.
The term globally used though is polygamy and it is widespread among men; rather than women. This blog prefers the term polygamy to polygyny.
Where is Polygamy Practiced?
While polygamy is illegal in most countries, it is still an act practiced in parts of Africa and Asia.
Polygamy was practiced up till 1993 in France! Click here for a list of countries’ current statuses on polygamy.
Religious reasons permit men to marry several wives. For example, the Islamic religious tenets permit men to marry a maximum of four wives, with a caveat that they can afford to take care of the women and treat them equally. However, I know tons of moslem men who can’t afford to marry one wife let alone four, but nonetheless indulge in polygamy.
Likewise, I have known devout moslem men, though rare, who married only one wife till death.
What is disturbing though is that Christian men also marry several wives! Granted that the Quran/Koran (Islamic sacred texts) permits the moslem men to engage in polygamous acts, there is nowhere in the Bible where it is written that a man can marry several wives. Some might want to exemplify Solomon or David or Abraham and his sons. Before you do, first, it was not a religious permission; the men chose to do it of themselves, and secondly, that was Old Testament (pre-Christ); and thirdly, please note that God did not sanction their actions.
The Mormon is another religion that allows polygamy.
To avoid mistresses
Some men justify the act of polygamy by claiming that it is better to marry the women rather than hiding to have mistresses outside the home. The sad truth is that the men still have mistresses anyways.
. . .
Another factor is that some women simply like to be “kept” women and be splurged with money and things. The men often pay the women’s rents or mortgages and everything else the women want and need.
History tells us that men married several women in order to have help on the farm and in their businesses. Such that the children also were put to work prematurely.
Certain cultures pressure the man to take on other women for various reasons which include:
if the woman suffers from infertility and is unable to bear children, or
if the woman bears sole sexes (that is, all boys or all girls), or
simply and wickedly to force the woman to succumb to the man’s family pressures to let her know that her in-laws still control the man and/or relegate the woman to an inferior position in her home!
Should the men alone be blamed?
Maybe the onus should be on the women? Why would any woman agree to be number 2, or 5, or infinite? Why would any woman, knowingly, still agree to marry a married man? What makes the woman think that she will be different? It is often a matter of time. Seems once the woman bears the children, the man is out fishing again for a younger or more beautiful woman, and the cycle continues.
. . .
While some younger women marry into polygamy because of wealth or fame, others do so because they believe that their marriageable years have eluded them.
I believe that there is a man for each woman. The gender ratio; that is, the ratio of male to female, according to world records is still insignificant. In 2019, female world data was 49.58%,, compared to 49.97% in 1960!
The above world data link is interactive. To compare the numbers for any given years, simply change the base year (in the picture below, it is 1960) and the comparable year (here it is 2019).
Polygamy is not a positive or progressive lifestyle. There’s a hypocritical living style where everyone claims to be happy, loving, and cordial with one another. The truth however is that none is as happy as they claim and everyone is fighting for the love and attention of the Patriarch who is often the glue holding the family together.
Even with maternal siblings (those who share the same mother), true love often seem to be lost or uncertain. Children are tagged as belonging to (or favored by) one parent rather than both parents. With this stance, the siblings are pitted against one another or against the other parent.
Is there any Derived Benefit(s)?
Frankly, the only beneficiary of polygamy is the man. He gets to have any woman any time he wants. He also tends to put the women on their toes competing for his attention, love, and/or money.
. . .
Seriously, though, there might be some benefits derived from polygamy. I do not however advocate this form of marriage.
A few derived benefits, if true love were possible and exists within the home and its members, are that each member of the family has unique strengths, gifts, and skill sets that can be (or should be) shared and would be beneficial to all. Rather than looking outside, family members can depend on one another for those resources they would otherwise pay for. Bottomline, there’s ample help to go round.
Downside of Polygamy
I sincerely believe that men who indulge in polygamy are inconsiderate and can be described as both selfish or self-centered as they only live to satisfy their libido regardless of the feelings of their wives or children. They are unable to love the women equally or unconditionally. It is a loveless full house! They also are ignorant of the possibilities of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). The children become their mothers’ responsibilities as they do not have the full attention of their dad. Unfortunately, the mothers find themselves becoming “forced” single parents as they, not both parents, are responsible for the upkeep of their children.
There’s chaos where the man, wives, and children all live under the same roof. I often wonder about the sleeping arrangements and who gets to sleep with the man daily. Would it be on a rotation-basis? Or would it solely be the youngest wife? Again, your guess is as good as mine.
There’s also immense and unhealthycompetition among the wives and the children. Should one woman’s child or children succeed (or be more successful), the other wives and children become jealous and envious. This often leads to the Joseph-saga (in the Bible where Joseph who was loved by their dad became the envy of his siblings. They plotted to sell him as a slave and lied to their dad that an animal killed him – some of us will remember the story and its ending). Some households resort to occultism and fetishes against one another. This is barbaric.
In addition, the first wife, who often is the oldest woman, sadly has to live in silence watching her husband daily exhibits his machoism with the younger women. What mental torture!
Many homes have been split (if not destroyed) on the demise of the patriarch of the family.
Whatever the reason(s) men choose to marry several women, or women choose to marry an already-married man, just as technology presently is to the world and is still evolving, the idea (or act) of polygamy is archaic should be eradicated in this modern world and its future.
Women should resist the urge to be second or nth fiddle, as well as the pressure to marry an “already-married” man. Don’t give up ladies, your man will surely come. No marriage is without continuous work. There is a saying that goes, “one wife, one trouble!” Marrying multiple wives therefore equates multiple trouble irrespective of the family front that appears in public.
Men ought to know how to love and love well. There are abundant resources to help those who need the help. Love is a continuous work.
Women are better off marrying monogamously than polygamously; just pray that the right man seeks you out.
Men, on the other hand, should do their part to curb their libido and control their appetite for more. Resist the urge to jump in-and-out of love and beds!
If only men knew the gift of God that He gave them, men would handle their wives with utmost care and treat them as precious jewels.
Out of the bones of Adam (Genesis 2:21-23), Eve, the mother of all living (Genesis 20:3), was formed. And His Word said, “…, ye husbands, dwell with them (your wives) according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.” (1 Peter 3:7)
In case you still do not understand, God says that if you call on Him, when you’re being (or have been) mean to, or have manhandled, or abused (in any way, shape, or form; i.e., emotional, physically, mentally, financially, spiritually, etc; your wife, He might not answer you quickly!
Why men, or anyone for that natter, would want to go through hindered prayers beats me.
. . .
Do men not know?
It bothers me to know, or hear, that men hit their wives, cheat on them, lie, or engage in idle chatter about them, and worse yet, relegate their wives while loving and placing everyone else above her.
Don’t they know that charity begins from home?
Don’t they know that both man and wife have become one in the eyes of God, despite that your family members or the public are trying to separate both of you?
Don’t they know that whatever ill men do or send their wives’ way, comes back to them; sometimes even much more?
Don’t they also know that even if the wife doesn’t say anything and tolerate the “abuse” for the sake of the children and keeping the family together, that God, Jehovah El Roi, sees it all and will avenge on her behalf?
Don’t men know that criticizing their wives publicly shows much more the kind of men they are?!!!
It’s a spiritual principle
Even men’s parents ought to take second place after their wives. This is a hard pill for many immature men to swallow. “What? The one who gave birth to me now takes second place?! No way!” Before you stone the messenger; God also said this : “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife” (Mark 10:7, Matthew 19:5, Mark 10:7. Ephesians 5:31).
How I have heard rumblings and offenses at this specific God’s Word! Have men ever wondered, or even asked the Author, why He put this verse in His Book? Only the wise man would stop to think and ask.
. . .
I once was a Mary Kay Cosmetics consultant. Mary Kay Ash was the founder of beauty products established primarily to help women make some income while still maintaining their homes/families. Her business was based on a principle that God is first, family second, and everything/everyone else third (or last). She touted this principle to her beauty consultants stating that if they followed it, they were sure to excel. At the time, I didn’t have a relationship with Father God; only knew Him as someone up there. That has since changed and I haven’t deviated from the valuable principle since knowing Him.
. . .
I said that to implore men to follow this same principle because they are the head (of the house/family) from which the oil flows.
Men, your wives are your help mate to be cherished. Treat your wife like your queen. You are the head and king of your domain and your wife is your partner (or as I normally say, the neck). If the head tries to make a wrong turn, the neck steers it back or becomes stiff forcing the head back to its normal position!
Men, please love your wives “…, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;” (Ephesians 5:25). As you do, you will enjoy the favor of God and man, you’ll be blessed going out and coming in, and your children will honor you because, to your son, you reflect the man they aspire to be, and of how they would treat their own wives; and for your daughters, you will be the yardstick they use to measure men or their own husbands.
5 things Men ought to know
Men ought to:
1. Love their wives unconditionally. Charity begins from home. God says “two have become one.” Loving her is loving yourself. I haven’t met anyone who hates himself. In fact, God says, “love her as Jesus loves the church and gave his life for it!”
2. Treat their wives like queens. Because ”two have become one,” men, you are the heads and kings of your domains and your wives are your partners (or as I normally say, the necks). If the head tries to make a wrong turn, the neck steers it back or becomes stiff forcing the head back to its normal position!
3. Listen to their wives. Women have been naturally wired with instincts and intuition. They just know things. Men (and the family) would benefit greatly if they first consult with, and listen to, their wives. As an example, God told Abraham to listen to Sarah when she asked that Hagar be sent away (Genesis 21:12).
4. Cover their wives. Wise men know how to do this. But for those who don’t, it simply means that you do not embarrass your wife intentionally or otherwise, especially publicly. Even when she is the cause of the embarrassment, it’s wisdom to cover her than causing her shame or more embarrassment.
5. Cherish her and help with the chores.
Let her know that she’s the most important person in your life; not your mom. Your wife is the one who shares bed with you and cooks your meals; not your mom. Your wife is also the first point of call should there be, God forbid, an accident; not your mom! If your mom is more important, maybe you’re not ready for marriage. Ouch, that’s cold. But, sorry men, you need to hear it since your wife couldn’t tell you. I’m not disrespecting mothers, I’m one too. There’s a reason you married your wife and not your mom; never forget that reason;
Know your wife’s primary love language and demonstrate such to her. Men, you (or both of you) will be frustrated if you keep buying her stuff when all she wants is to spend quality time with you or vice versa. Giving and receiving the right kind of love improves the aura of the home/family.
Skip outings just to spend time together or just for her to rest and recharge her energy.
If you have kids, take the kids out so she can rest.
Men, now that you know, please do the right thing to, and with, your wife if you haven’t already been doing so.
The awareness of mental health issues keep growing. Now we recognize a lot of health issues (that lead to diseases) that previously had been ignored.
I came across this article via a Twitter feed. Informative and worth reading.
Women have been pitched into “holding the home forth.” Little do the men/husband/significant others realize that the home forth involves a lot – being the CEO, CIO, CSO (Chief Strategic Officer), CAO (Chief Administrative Officer), CFO, CIO (Chief Internal Officer), CPRO (Chief Public Relations Officer), and Chief chauffeur. Ladies, let me know if I omitted any title. At the end of the day, the woman is exhausted and has no gas left for other important tasks. Yes, women can delegate the chores if they can afford it. But for those who can’t, this article will help on how to manage yourself and your home. Enjoy and share your thoughts by commenting below.